Shatter Island

Greetings, my fellow homo-sapiens...

In my very first post I launched many creatures whose sole purpose of existence was to perform acts of nincompoopery and amuse the populace. Some of these ill-fated souls have featured in blog posts since; a few of them will soon make their debut and the rest were added there only so that they didn’t feel bad. Anyhow, there is one idiot I know, who isn’t really inconspicuous, yet managed to sneak out of the limelight. I shall call him Johnnie Dropper.

Johnnie Dropper thinks that the joke about Marjava and Mitjava being the 2 latest versions of java is hilarious and cracks up every time he narrates it to somebody. No one else finds it funny but yet they laugh when they see his head bobbing back and forth as he guffaws. His inebriated foolishness is solely responsible for the hot chicks around us knowing what we call them behind their backs.

I have no idea what my friends are up to but all of them seem to want to go to Jakarta. Cheap sex, booze and dope I guess. Numa Numa, Wind Cheater, Cold Cream and Bhains Lana have been there on multiple such debaucherous expeditions and now Johnnie Dropper decides that it’s his turn to indulge in the pleasures of the flesh. Sinners!

Johnnie Dropper comes from a relatively small city in one of the two “dry” states of India. “Death before alcoholism” is the state’s backup motto. It falls a close second to “Shimmering shirt on garba night shall lead you to true happiness.” Johnnie has spent a better part of life eating “theplas” with fermented “chundo” hoping that, having preserved the chundo two years beyond its expiry date, the effort would totally be worth the buzz that he may get. Now, when such a fool travels international and sees all those liquor bottles in the duty free shops at airports, it is totally expected that he gets a boner! It’s like when kids from an all-boys school enter the world of junior college and are forced straight into the path of multiple underwear and baggy jeans!

Scene 1
Place: Changi airport, Singapore
Occasion: Johnnie Dropper meets Johnnie Walker
Side-effect: The promised Boner

Bhains Lana is already in Jakarta. Johnnie Dropper is joining him there for what seems to be an orgy. Different “client” they say, but in an orgy does it really matter? Johnnie cannot go there empty handed. He knows that his dealings in Jakarta are going to be pretty lucrative and so our hero decides to indulge in some classy scotch.

Scene 2
Place: Soekarno–Hatta International Airport, Jakarta
Occasion: Johnnie Waker meets ground
Side-effect: This blog post

A six foot tall man with a really small head would have his shoulders at somewhere around five and a half feet. Yes, it’s a really small head! Anyway, the bottle in a plastic bag is slung neatly over his shoulder. How the %*&$ (clue: rhymes with luck) does the damn thing slip out of his hand?
Advice for you Mr. Dropper - I’m not much of a drinker but I know one thing, always respect the holy trinity of booze - Johnnie, Jack and Jose. And just cause the black label (get it???) says Johnnie Walker doesn’t mean you try to make it walk.

Cheers to Wind Cheater for her inputs. Thou shalt get a steak with onions - at Leopold - on me.

The Solitary Sleeper

Guess what guys, all this chilling out that I’ve been doing for the last couple of months has come to a screeching halt. As crappy luck would have it, I am now (shudder) On-Call for the next whole month. Actually, not one month, it is for five whole weeks. That’s (Window+r calc Enter 7*5 Enter Alt+F4) 35 whole days (shudder shudder shudder). Let’s try this with a more positive attitude. I now have the power to sit alone at the computer all day and solve issues. Yayyy!! With great power comes great responsibility, so I am now responsible for another mobile phone. Wait bachcha…. It’s not just any phone - it’s a Nokia 3310 - the cool one with absolutely no features. Sorry, it does have Snake II and an annoying alarm clock. My first phone was the cooler cousin of this one. Nokia 3315. Other than the fact that it was “newer” in the “market” and that the keypad had “funkier” joined keys, the phones were the same. These were the two points I repeated over and over and over and over again in those extremely aggressive “my phone is better than yours” brawls. Those were the silly old days. I don’t engage in such futile arguments anymore. I guess it’s the effect of the “you are not here only to learn, you are here to become mature young individuals ready to face the world” policy followed by the educational institutions I have “studied” in. I digress. Back to the phones. I say they are the same because other than having no difference in features, both have the amazing ability to shut off even when the battery has surplus electrons ready and raring to go. It is this phone that earned me the reputation of “the guy who hangs up on you mid conversation.” That’s when the chicks stopped giving me their numbers. (Woohoo – Eureka moment) That IS the reason. I have hit it! So I finally got tired of playing the snake game and graduated to a phone that could store porn photos, videos and other forms of extreme pleasure entertainment. And now when I hold this piece of primitive electronics in my hands, I realize how much I missed playing with the virtual snake.

Speaking of missing things, a “yo wassup!!” to all you guys. Miss ya loads!! I promise to be back soon to make your lives miserable once more! Till then, cheers and peace out!