I went for a movie yesterday - The Ugly Truth. The truth: it was ugly! (Sorry, had to get this one out of my system)
Don’t watch the movie. It is NOT a chick flick because even chicks wouldn’t like it. Gerard Butler lives up to his name - he looks like a butler. Not that I care, but it was worth mentioning. Katherine Heigl is the only thing worth watching on that screen. The title was probably the only other interesting bit in the movie. Inspired by this title (and nothing else from the movie) I have decided to dedicate this blog post to a few ugly truths that crack me up as well as a few that totally haunt my existence.
·There were no naked chicks in the movie. Not on screen, not even in the theatre.
·I was hoping there would be naked chicks in the movie - on screen AND in the theatre.
·My vacation has given me a time to do a lot of things that I don’t usually do. I went swimming the other day. Aaah, the joys of an empty pool….. Well, it was almost empty. There was this little kid who was being taught how to swim by his pop. The kid was crying cause he wanted to go pee and, for some reason, his pop wouldn’t let him go. Then, he stopped crying…
·Numa Numa is going on a biking trip next week. He’s gonna ride 860 kilometers on the last day. Rest of the year he’s gonna have a blue ass and sore nuts.
·In the re-match of their famous 100 meter sprint encounter last year, Choco Syrup once again lost to HIM!
·Loose motions cannot happen in slow motion.
·I met Cheese Omelet yesterday after quite some time. She has been putting too much cheese in her omelet lately. Go on a diet Cheese.
·Taking photos of random stray dogs with your flash ON ensures that you too get snapped.
·Most of you will get the pun in the above line just about now…
63 days ago I told myself that 63 days from then I would write a blog.....
So here starts my first post of this sparkling new blog!!
This time I promise to keep this blog alive and noisy. As noisy as a foul mouthed Pomeranian in labor!
Initially I was gonna give this blog a philosophical touch. But even the enlightened run out of gyan often. So I’ve decided to use this as a medium to laugh at stupidity! Now that I’ve mentioned stupidity, I have to mention:
Jhakaas boy: Well, that’s me. Surprise!! :-P The name is Jhakaas, NOT Jackass, but Jhakaas!!
Bird Brain: This outspoken woman will probably dominate the comments section of this blog. Perennially lost - I’ve seen crabs with a better sense of direction. Has an unparalleled knack of being able to entertain when least expected with either her dazzling brilliance or utter nitwittedness. Then again, you will be entertained only if she hasn’t run back home.
Butt Lee: She was born 3 feet 5 inches. And that’s when she stopped growing. Vertically! For her, Indian sport is synonymous with Indian politics. Rabindranath Tagore won an Olympic Silver Medal and Sachin Tendulkar is the Father of our nation!
Tomato head: No!! His head is not shaped like a tomato. Errrr…. His head is no longer shaped like a tomato. He’s the man with the beautiful voice. I sincerely believed that the voice was hollow but then I heard his rendition of Michael Bolton’s “Can I touch you there” and was touched…..There….!!
Cold Cream: Although I don’t really agree with the consensus that this burly bugger is actually a little girl in disguise, he does tend to fodder the rest of the world with enough to support their argument. Put beer in his belly and he’ll make sure you don’t regret it!
Shy Shen: Her face looks exactly like a question mark. The dame is so confused that she often breathes with her mouth and talks through her nose. She has the capacity to sulk for long periods of time. The only way to stop her sulking is to take her shopping. She hails from that part of the world where jelly sweets are used to cure Diarrhea.
Rodenta Rascalla: This tiny Madrasi is one of my favorite sources of entertainment. It’s extremely difficult to not laugh at the things she says or does. Her famous “I’m feeling pukie” monolog accompanied by the trademark disgusted expression cracks me up every single time it makes a trip past me.
Bhains Lana: After making a mini-fortune dabbling in the stock market (during office hours, using office resources) this guy lost it all in the form of
a.his brand new phone
b.his bike mirrors
c.a very expensive date
He recently went on a pilgrimage to ask the lord for strength to deal with this acute agony.
Numa Numa: This illegal immigrant from Indonesia tries to pass himself off as an Assamese. After a failed attempt at being a music-video-dancer back in the motherland, he settled for the drudge of a software engineer here in India. However, favors (of a very mysterious nature) for his former employers saw them send him on multiple all-expense-paid visits to his homeland on the pretext of work. He has now quit his job to start his own tea business. He’s going to grow tea himself, sell the tea-leaves himself, buy the tea leaves himself, brew the tea himself and drink the tea himself. No idea how the money comes in!
Chocó Syrup: The man is the source of the most outrageous theories backed by statistics which are made up only 49.54% of the time. His atrocious Hindi is the source of much amusement. Don’t believe me? Ask the unsuspecting young female doctor who was told that the crick in his neck was a result of “ek hafte se hilaya nahi hai.”
Wind Cheater: She laughs at everything. Go win the Nobel Prize; she’ll still laugh at you. After the Mumbai Police crackdown on dance bars, this former bar-dancer was left jobless. She is desperate to create, in a partnership with Numa Numa, a dance academy to revive their respective careers.
Kuchu: The woman with the poorest jokes. She spends more time in a local train every day than most people spend awake! You get her upset and before you know it, the world is reading fabricated crap about you in the newspaper.
Cheese Omelet: Her real name is “I can’t stop talking and I have to give vivid details of everything that happened to me during the day to everyone I know otherwise the world is going to end and even if the world does come to an end, while it is coming to an end, I must constantly give status updates to the rest of the people just in case they can benefit from what I have to say even though it makes no sense cause the world is coming to an end.”
You’re gonna be reading a lot about them and laughing a lot at them.... Enjoy the show!!!
Disclosure: The characters in this blog are NOT fictitious and any resemblance to persons living or dead is NOT coincidental. It is YOUR job to figure out who is who.
